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Oh hun, thank you so much for sharing this with us. I can only imagine how hard this was not only to confide in us but to take an honest look at things yourself. It can be difficult to be on your own after being co-dependent or just never having lived on your own before.

I'm sure you will figure out what you need to when you need to. But take some time and don't jump without looking. You can come to your forum family any time hun. I'm so sorry that you are going through this but we are here for you. Good that you are looking at how nice the quiet is, and the break after all this time with the bf. You can love someone so much but still not be able to live with them, especially if they have committment issues. You sound like you are on to some deep soul searching. Keep us posted and chin up. And congrats on the upcoming graduation and you'll slam-dunk that certification! Calming and understanding hugs to you my dear.

Yay Kim! I am so proud of you I knew you could do it and I know you will ace the exam. Thank you for sharing with us, just take your time before making a decision I know that you will make the right one, hang in there girl we are here for you.

For now, I am back at home with him. We've talked and I told him that I want my parents and family to be able to come over. I'm in the very long process of cleaning (I'm talking MAJOR) the house. It's disastrous. I've started in one corner of the kitchen and am working my way around. I'm cleaning out the cabinets, washing them down, and generally reorganizing. I'm tired of living like this.

We did make progress today, after 7 years, we possibly decided on a color scheme/theme for the kitchen. Maybe going with an Italian feel, with green, white and burgundy. We'll see how that goes.

And if things don't get better, I can always resort back to plan B, because I'm not afraid any more.

Here's some more of what's going on, and this is probably going to turn into more of a rant than an update, and for that I apologize.

I finally have a date set for my certification exam. It's June 15, at 10 am. So prayers and vibes and well wishes will all be much appreciated from now until test time is OVER. LOL

My hours at work are ridiculously stupid, because my boss is a **tch. There are worse things I could call her, but that suffices. A month ago, after I was through with clinicals and came back home, I filled out a change of availability and put it in the book like I was supposed to. At this time, I also requested May 25-27 off for my birthday weekend (it was requested 2 weeks in advance.) A week went by, and I still wasn't getting anything other than weekend hours. I asked if she knew that my availability was open, and she said no. I told her I'd filled out the form and put it in the book like I was supposed to. She says "I don't look at that."

EXCUSE ME??? Why the eff not??? You're the boss that makes the schedule. Shouldn't you BE looking at stuff like that??? OMG. Really?? Of course I didn't SAY any of that, but I was just floored by that comment.

So anyway, I figured after I TOLD her that my availability was open, I'd have more hours. Over the next week, not only did I NOT have more hours, the only day I had off on the schedule out of that 3 days I requested was Friday (my b-day). And to make matters worse, she had me scheduled for 2 days for a grand total of 8 hours. (Yeah.)

So I marched my happy little butt to the office and gave her ANOTHER earful. I told her that I was expecting more hours since I told her my availability was open. She told me to call the manager at another store who used to be the manager at our store to see if he could give me more hours. I also told her that I had a 45 minute drive ONE WAY, and that that few amount of hours wasn't worth my gas to get there. And I told her that I'd requested TWO WEEKS IN ADVANCE the entire weekend off because I was going out of town. She told me "it's just a request." Then she said "Well, I'll take care of it, like I take care of everything else around here." Again, EXCUSE ME?? But isn't that your JOB???

So I eventually did get the weekend off. But the drawback to that is that for an entire week, I didn't have ANY hours.  Which translates to NO MONEY.

I did get to spend a week housesitting at my sister's house, where it was QUIET and peaceful. So that was very nice.

Back to the work scene: Weekend hours ONLY last week as well. At least it was like 15 hours, so it's a lot better than nothing. At least that makes it worth my time to get there. And I've been driving my parents' little bitty car so it's better on gas than my guzzler of a truck.

Schedule for this week we're in now? She gave me ONE day. 5 hours. Oh hell no. LOL. I'll just say that I was able to get more hours because one of the cashiers couldn't work the hours she was scheduled, so I picked up 2 more days and about 12 hours more.

Cut to today. A couple of days ago, we noticed water on our driveway. We thought it was coming from somewhere else, after the rain we'd had. The following morning (yesterday) water was RUNNING down the driveway. So that means a leak somewhere in the main. We've shut off water to the house...that's LOADS of fun....not. We turn it on long enough to shower and wash a load of clothes, then it's right back off.

He was off today, but guess who had to call a plumber?? Me. Just to get someone out here to look at it. He has no money either, but does that stop you from calling to get information?? Apparently. Then he wanted to tell me what I should have asked the plumber. I told him he didn't get to tell me what I should have said, since he didn't even bother calling them.

GAH. I am beyond frustrated today. On top of all this, I'm supposed to be studying for my test in a couple of weeks, but that hasn't gone so well.

Please forgive my novel here.....but this is why I haven't been able to work on any dolls. :)

-- Edited by Liselle on Monday 4th of June 2012 10:23:16 PM

I like your "novel" lol, and can totally relate to your situation hun. Sorry you have to go through all that but you are woman, you are stronger than you think! Seems like possibly your boss is trying to make you quit? Been there, done that. I had no hours and so then I finally called and got them on tape saying "don't call us, we'll call you", so I applied for unemployment stating they had no hours for me for weeks. They denied my unemployment but that only penalized me 2 weeks and then I started getting my checks. I know that's not what you want to do but I'm just putting it out there.
I applaud you for standing up for yourself hun. Not being afraid any more is/can be very empowering.

If it's any consolation... my DH always has me call people... Dr's, lawyers, parts places, etc. I finally had to tell him to call because I can't remember all the stuff he wants me to ask. He did actually call the lawyer by himself yesterday lol

You are in my thoughts for the clinicals hun. Strength and courage (and study time) come to you so you can pass them. I know you will do fine, and you will pass with flying colors!! GO YOU!

       don't you dare sell those kit's . if thier what you enjoy doing hang on to it with both hands come hell or high water.........i'm teaching my self this lesson......we have to few pleasures in life just to let them  go........as to your test.....lock yourself in a room with a BIG sign on the door .... STUDYIN.........CRANK THE MUSIC (this is so you can't hear any stupid questions) and crack them books..........you've got this!!!!........or i can come kick robs butt for you.............i lush yu..........sage

-- Edited by sage brush nursery on Friday 8th of June 2012 06:38:12 PM

Thanks y'all for your encouraging words. There's a couple of reasons I might sell them, but one of them is definitely what I listed above. But on the flip side of that, I do need the money, and they're just sitting there...

There's a few I think that I never really bonded with (Kyle and Bella come to mind, but I think I actually LIKE one of them) that I could stand to part with. I need to just pull them out, and take a look and see what I don't REALLY need, you know? I think I would just have a hard time painting one that I don't care for. Now my Tanner, he's staying. I'll finish him. I just LOVE that kit, and waited forever to get one. Haven't decided if I would keep or sell him. Selling any of them requires finishing. LOL

There's just so much going on right now, and my stress level is through the roof. But I definitely appreciate you guys' support, especially knowing everything you're both going thru. I love you guys!!

*****

I'm trying to convince the BF that I NEED a space. I was looking at sheds, but he suggested clearing out the garage to put an oven out there for me. Granted, I can't afford anything right now, but at least he was thinking about it. While the garage would be anything but private, I could definitely have an oven, and shelving out there. He would probably even build me a countertop so I could work. We'll see.

-- Edited by Liselle on Saturday 9th of June 2012 03:13:05 PM

10/14/2012:

BF has been off the past 3 days (rotating schedule) and I've been working until 9:30 every night. Sometimes 5 hours, sometimes 8. Either way, I come home to NO dinner. I don't get it. I try to have dinner ready when he comes home, why can't he do the same? I sure don't feel like cooking when I come home late after a long shift. So tonight it was beer and pretzels for dinner. I swear, I'm gonna make my own dinner and tell him I already ate when he comes home from work. Grrrr.